Reason 29; The Magic Pill

Why I Hate Being Fat – 217 Reasons ~ 217 Pounds


Attitude of Gratitude – Thank God for God!


Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it. ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

I am always looking for the easier softer way. Sometimes, believing is not enough! I have this instantaneous thought that comes to me when life is presented to me. “I can't do it!” or “It can't be done!” Most often, my thoughts are about my two favorite places; on the cross or stuck in the rut. I am a volunteer for victimization. I love to show the world how it has treated me; how it has never ever given me a chance at anything. I have cried a million tears on how my “potential” has never come to fruition.

The thing about me is I also love to point the finger, it is always someone else's fault. Or my favorite, if it wasn't for bad luck, I would have no luck at all. I also love to question life. When is my ship going to come in? Why me? How come he gets everything and I get nothing? Why is God doing this to me, is He testing me?

I also have an answer to everything. It might not be the right answer, but I have one. I also know everything about anything and something about nothing. These are all things that live in the dark shadows of my mind. Negative thinking is a large part of the disease of compulsive eating and it is a cancer in my mind and in the spirit of my being.

There is no magic pill for life. It is just my turn in the bullpen when “shit happens” to me. It is my turn to ride the bull for whatever situation is occurring in my life. I hate it. I hate the truth and sometimes it sucks big time. But, I will walk through miles of shit, sometimes swimming through it with tears running down my face, looking for a glimmer of hope. There is no quick fix, no easy answer to life's problems. I used to live in denial by eating compulsively, hoping and praying that I would not wake up in the morning. I did wake up; all I could say was “Oh Shit! Not this again!”

But it was GOD! God knows that I really do not want to die. I want to live! I want to live and serve God and be of service to fellow man. It is the only thing that I know that will save me from myself. I cannot do it alone. God is the only magic pill and cure for what ails my mind, my physical and spiritual well-being. God is the only hope I have; without Him, I am nothing and have nothing.


Abstinence Watch – Goal Weight – 200 lbs; currently 272