Reason 22; Inching Up The Sidewalk (fear addict)

Why I Hate Being Fat – 217 Reasons ~ 217 Pounds


Attitude of Gratitude – Thank You God for my fighting spirit!


It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog. ~ Mark Twain

It chaps my hide! When I was told I had a very low professional self-esteem; it threw me for a loop. I know as a person I have low self-esteem, but when the word “professional” was uttered, it knocked me out cold. I am not what I do; and that is the truth! It is the truth because I don't do shit! I haven't done a single thing in regards to my creative nature, my artistic ability or the talent God gave me. I take it for granted. I have excuse after excuse why I am not fulfilling the gift God gave me. I am afraid!

I am afraid of success, afraid of myself, of learning that I am good or great at something that I love doing! I am afraid of walking through the forest of life knowing there are people out there that don't want me to succeed. I am one of them! So, the question I ask myself at this very moment is how do I get over myself, not be afraid, and be able to move on with my artistic talent God has given me?

I have to stop listening to my negative mind. I have to say, “Shut the fuck up!” “Thank you for sharing – next!” But, telling my mind to quiet down is the easy part, continuing on the path to becoming a “celebrity artist” is a different matter. My mind is relentless; it will not stop. It will find reasons why I should do something else – like work on my recovery, train for the Long Beach Marathon.

I need to make my artistic life a priority! I need to stop – I need to stop thinking about the results or the things I want to achieve (celebrity status, financial security) and work. Work, work, work and more work! But again, my mind says, “What should I do or make? What medium should I start with? Should I focus on one type (ceramics) or should I delve into other areas (sculpture, painting, drawing)? Starting something is not difficult, the question is “what?”

What is God's will for my artistic life? What? What?


Abstinence Watch – Goal Weight – 200 lbs; currently 272