Reason 49; Contrary Action

Why I Hate Being Fat – 217 Reasons ~ 217 Pounds


Abstinence Watch – Day 14 to One Year


Remember, Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies. ~ Shawshank Redemption

It doesn't matter how many times I have had to surrender, I find myself in the midst of a battle. The choices I make are always life and death. This is not to sound so dramatic, but to emphasize a point that any little thing I engage in will undoubtedly change my life. It begins with making a simple decision. Sometimes, it takes making that decision over and over again. It is a symptom called “Instant Amnesia” and this attribute focuses negatively on the good things in life.

An example, during my power-walk exercise journey I began eleven months ago, I'd be walking on a stretch of pavement where vegetation grows wild along side. Moving at the speed of the wind; I'd come across a bug. Instantly, my mind would say to me on the next step – step on the bug! My only rationale was that it is only a stink bug. It was at that moment, I realized I have no “control” over what my mind says to me. The decision I made at the moment is I would lead a life of kindness. The disease of compulsive eating is cruel and does not allow for growth or life. Live and let live. I stepped over the bug, letting it go on its merry way and I continued on my walk. Eventually, I'd come across another stink bug or other creature and again I wanted to destroy it. It was as if I had totally forgotten my promise of kindness. I made another decision – I would continue my practice. It is the same with the disease of compulsive eating, it constantly wants to kills me, to step on the great life I have today. I must remember who is more powerful – food or God?

The act of changing requires vigilance. My life today is full of love, friendship and understanding. It did not come easy and still requires dedication and perseverance. I must continue to give away what I have been freely given if I am to keep what I have. It is with this thought – the life God gave me has spirit, just like the life God gave the creatures crossing my path in my power-walk. In my life, I have been shown by the girl I love with all my heart that I am able to love again – I love her so much. I have no fear to love. It's because I allow myself to live with God on my path in life.