Reason 47; I'm So Glad We Had This Time Together

Why I Hate Being Fat – 217 Reasons ~ 217 Pounds


Abstinence Watch – Day 12 to One Year


Comedy is tragedy plus time. ~ Carol Burnett

How am I supposed to know? There are many things I think I know, yet I can be dumber than a door nail; especially when it comes to people. There are certain people that irritate the freakin' heebie-jeebies out of me to the point that I want to either “kill” or “hurt” them; but the first thing I want to do is “hit and run”. My first intuitive thought is to run; to run away! I came to see and do what I had to do and now it is time to go! It is safer for everyone involved.

I had this happen to me yesterday. I don't like the feeling. I am a nice guy; just because you don't like me and the things that I do does not give you the right to not acknowledge my presence. Especially if I am with someone you care about. Perhaps it is jealousy, envy or just a bug up your butt; I am a human being with feelings and I deserve to be acknowledged as such.

But, my first thought is always violence. I grew up with a great deal of violence and if I didn't behave a certain way I certainly paid the price for it. I grew up with so many restrictions it was not funny. I couldn't do this or that and even that what I'm thinking about doing. Fear plagued my life. The fear of having pain inflicted upon my body worsen the anguish of living. It is no wonder that I ate myself to 417 pounds of pain and fear.

The funny thing about it is I cannot stop being who I am and I cannot stop you from being who you are – especially when everything about you, the enemy frightens me because you resemble me so much of who I am. I didn't like what I saw is what I don't like about myself. They are things I hate about myself. Perhaps it is something I wish I could be . . . I don't know. Maybe, the fear of being free to act like a childish moron is something I wish I could have done growing up. But, I didn't. I survived my tragedy and it has taken a lot of time to be able to live with myself and others. But, sometimes I just want to run away.

Someday I may be able to laugh about it . . . but right now tears of sadness moistens my eyes.