Reason 46; September 2009

Why I Hate Being Fat – 217 Reasons ~ 217 Pounds


Abstinence Watch – Day 8 to One Year


Dreams do come true, if we only wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it. ~ James Matthew Barrie

What am I willing to do, to give up, to surrender to have my dreams come true?

There are so many things that I want, sometimes I think about them a lot, most of them selfishly, others not. One of them I think about all the time. I think. I dream; wish upon a star; a wishbone. I visualize. I pray. I meditate. I surrender; turn it over, give it to God. Then I do what every obsessive compulsive person does – then I take it back! I do everything humanly possible I know to get what I want, yet it has not happened! I put out it into the Universe by speaking about it to groups of people. Why is God taking so long for this to occur? What do we have to do to make this thing happen?

Then the answer came! “The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others ...” Page 164. AA Big Book. But I have doubts. What about if we don't get what we want?

With the disease of compulsive eating, I find I have a multitude of problems. Aside from negative thinking, I also possess the disease of “more” the need to want more; the disease of “instant” gratification – I want and I want it now; and short term memory – I forget I am a compulsive eater! The thing is I doubt God, when I know exactly (for damn sure) that God can produce the necessary results. I realize I am living in fear. Everything in my life is based on fear! The fear of losing what I have and the fear of not getting what I want. If I don't do nothing then I get nothing. If I always do what I always did, I always get what I always got!

The answer is I must create the visual blog of what I want September 2009 to look like – it is not enough to do the things I have already listed. My vision blog of a perfect woman is now a reality. God brought her to me . . . the girl I love with all my heart. Thank You God for all You have given me.