Reason 45; Getting Off The Cross

Why I Hate Being Fat – 217 Reasons ~ 217 Pounds


Abstinence Watch – Day 7 to One Year


The exact contrary of what is generally believed is often the truth. ~ Jean de la Bruyere

It is really difficult to get off the cross when you have been on it for so long. It is a place where I volunteer to be the victim, the martyr because being co-dependent is the thing to do. The cross is where I feel I am serving a purpose, a need, a place where I feel worthy. My problem is the lack of glory or fame for my sacrifice that I don't receive; I need to feel good about myself for which I have no self-esteem. I rely on being the victim for my value.

What did I do to deserve this? Why am I a compulsive eater? Why can I not eat like a “normal” person? When is life going to get easier than the hell I have been going through? ”So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic (compulsive eater) is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.” Page 62. AA Big Book. My “shit” life is the only thing I know, the pain of a living hell is the life I have made for myself. I dwell on the negative, the doom and gloom of the future. I have been brainwashed into thinking the world is going to come to an end, so why even bother? There is no use in living. Not true at all!

It has taken me a very long time for me to stop pointing the finger. I pointed it at God, at other people, at myself for the bad luck, my misfortune and my lot in life. I never accepted or took the blame. It was their fault for how my life turned out. It was not until I realized that what I give to the world (Universe) the world (Universe) will give to me. For every negative thought I put out; for every statement I make about my life or about my living situation, that thought, that statement made it into a reality. I needed an attitude adjustment.

My life started to become better when I accepted where I was at in my life. Instead of living in the negative, I thought about the positive things in my life. I began to have hope that my life could become better. As things started to improve in my life I began to have faith that God was working my life. I began to align my will to that of my Higher Power.