Reason 59; Food and Sex!

Why I Hate Being Fat – 217 Reasons ~ 217 Pounds


Abstinence Watch – Day 28 to One Year


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A Little Stone In My Pocket


When I'm good I'm very, very good but when I'm bad I'm better. ~ Mae West

This morning I woke up from a deep sleep with a hard-on! That got your attention did it not? Slowly moving my hand down, I reached my stomach taking hold of my … beer belly flab! I was shocked, certainly amazed at the transformation my body has taken; most certainly that of my Buddha belly. As I layed in bed caressing my stomach, I talked wishing for it to continue shrinking down into the six-pack abs that I will think myself into having. You can't think yourself into right action; but you can certainly act yourself into right thinking! I am acting like I have a flat rippled stomach.

The thing I love about losing one hundred and forty five pounds is that I can see “mini-me” and I didn't know he was . . . or how he looked like from my vantage point. I had never seen him like this before, maybe I have, but it has been a long time. He certainly stood at attention towering over the rest of my body.

When I was compulsively eating myself to death my libido was certainly non-existent. The only lover I cared about was the next meal. The only kiss I wanted was of something sweet and warm on my lips that came off my fork. The only flesh I was to tease, nibble and devour into my mouth was not the four ounces I consume at my meals, but the carnal killing slab that overflowed off my plate. It was not pretty, yet I thought I was in heaven.

I called the girl that I love with all my heart and told her about my dilemma. While she could certainly sympathize with my “problem” she couldn't do anything for me since she is living and working in the next county over. My towering tower of desire would have to wait until Friday night when we will be together. While we talked about our plans for the weekend – our service commitments to our recovery – it was not about the food or about my “problem” but the fact that we would be together growing in love with each other. Each time we are together, it is as if we lose our appetite. All we want to do is be together. Food does not come into our minds until we realize it is getting late, way past our mealtime, then we discuss about what we are to have for our meal; that in itself can be a difficult task. While we don't care about what we eat – just as long as we eat – deciding is the problem!