Reason 199, Victim or Volunteer

Why I Hate Being Fat – 217 Reasons ~ 217 Pounds

I hate being fat because I am not perfect. I want to be extremely perfect, but there is not such thing as extreme perfectionism. I can only strive for perfection and that is not good enough for me. I tend to beat myself for not being perfect. I feel bad and have let myself down. I try so very hard to be the most perfect human being, yet I fall short of my own expectations.

If you fail on my perfect expectations of you then I feel I am not perfect because I chose you thinking you were perfect. You are not able to meet my perfect standards. Wanting to be perfect is a vicious cycle. It is in the hurt that makes me perfect because I am the perfect victim. I will let myself be hurt because I am in a perfect state when I am in pain. I am perfectly used to it and it brings me much relief when you hurt me. Should you fall short (not be perfect) in hurting me, then I will assume the responsibility to continue hurting myself, thereby volunteering to be a perfect victim.

Spiritual progress not spiritual perfection makes me feel better.